hoping for the best...

In line with our mission of protecting each child’s right to a permanent, safe and loving family, Joint Council will host a Vietnam Summit Meeting of adoption service providers, along with representatives of the U.S. Department of State and Homeland Security, on Wednesday, November 28th. In order to encourage a successful Summit through collaboration, Joint Council has opened the meeting to both Member and non-Member organizations. The Summit will serve as a forum to help adoption service providers appropriately meet the current practice and regulatory challenges facing intercountry adoption in Vietnam. The Summit will also serve to develop a unified standard of practice, which will provide the basis for ethical intercountry adoption from Vietnam and serve the best interest of each child. (http://www.jcics.org/Vietnam.htm)

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“Be the change you want to see in the world.”

Mahatma Gandhi

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Seeing the blessings

Thanks so much for the support during my turkey-day slump last week. I'm feeling better and have realized how blessed I am to have such loyal friends to pick me up! I hope you all had a fantastic holiday. I've had fun reading all of the blogs and seeing all of the pictures of people celebrating with their beautiful friends and families!

We had a lovely Thanksgiving. We left town on Wed. night and headed about 4 hours north and hunkered down at Ed's grandma's house until Saturday morning. While up there, we stuffed our faces like mad and took part in our annual tradition of cutting down our Christmas tree (although it's still bare).

"Storm" and "Rose"..our new friends from the tree farm!

We headed to mom/grandma's on Saturday afternoon for Thanksgiving #2. My brother and SIL were there with their two beauties. After another amazing meal and full bellies for all, we had a great time playing Apples to Apples (my new favorite game) and laughing at each other!

Too little for turkey...I'll eat socks!

(Feed me!-notice the cute turkey bib my mom made for the girls)

a new quote...

"some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. delicious ambiguity."

-gilda radner-

Giving Thanks

Ok, I've started this blog entry at least 5 times, but I am at a loss for words (which is very unlike me)! While I want so much to offer my thanksgiving to all of the countless blessings in my life, I am selfishly torn because the fact that I'm still not a mom is weighing heavily on my heart. I honestly never thought I would be staring another holiday season in the eye without a baby in my arms, but the time came again. I know this wave of sadness shall too pass...just as the others have. In an effort to help that wave (or tsunami) pass a little quicker, I'm going to make a list of all of the things I'm thankful for.

Always Have Been and Always Will Be Thankful For:

• An amazing husband
• The unconditional love and support of our family
• Great friends
• A warm and safe home
• Health
• A meal on the table
• Clothes to keep me warm
• The choice to believe in whatever I want
• The choice to do whatever I want
• and
• the
• list
• goes
• on...

Things that I have a new found appreciation for since the adoption:

• The opportunity to adopt a child on the other side of the world
• Agencies that loves babies so much, they get to "make families" everyday
• Email updates
• A fast internet connection/wireless internet
• Support groups
• Blogs/Blogging buddies
• People who have "been there, done that"
• Quotes to keep me inspired
• I am most thankful for the the ability to feel the love I have for a child I have yet to see, know, and hold.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Relaxation and inspiration

This weekend was just what the doctor ordered. Ed and I took off on Friday and headed out of town for our good friend's wedding. It was amazing. We stayed at an incredible resort tucked back into the woods. We strolled boutique lined streets that had a great time catching up with friends.


While hitting the cute shops, I came across a magnet and I couldn't resist snatching it up because of the quote! I felt it was definitely "blog worthy", especially with all of the craziness in the adoption world.

"Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true. Think only of the best, work only for the best, and expect only the best. Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. Give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others. Live in the faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you!" - Christian D. Larson

I also wanted to thank you all for the very encouraging and supportive comments on the blog. I've been asked a few times over the past week about why on Earth I wrote the past two posts...while I think I've caught many of you up to speed with the situations, but if I haven't, here's the abridged version (although it's not really short). Plain and simple - Vietnam adoptions are in danger. The US and Vietnam governments are going to be signing a bilateral agreement soon to ensure adoptions can continue between the two countries. Everyone with Vietnam on the brain is praying and hoping all goes well and the agreement will in fact be signed.

In the midst of the program's uncertainty, the US Embassy has chosen to investigate a handful of current adoptions. There are a number of families (I've heard upwards of 20) essentially "stuck" in Vietnam right now. The Vietnamese government has made the adoptions legal/official but the US Embassy gets the final say as to whether or not the child will be granted a Visa to return to the US as a citizen. If the US Embassy denies the Visa, the children, who are already legally adopted to an American family cannot leave the country because they won't be granted a Visa. So, the parents are faced with the decision to stay in Vietnam and fight to have the decision overturned OR the child has to be returned to the orphanage and the family returns to the US without the baby. Scary right?

I completely agree that the US needs to ensure all adoptions are conducted legally. I also agree that unethical and illegal adoption agencies need to be stopped. So why was I upset? Well, there was a large number of people who decided to speak out on the issue, and in my opinion, did so in a very demeaning and hurtful manner. Agencies and families were personally attacked and terribly insensitive remarks were posted. A few very loud voices were heard and unfortunately many people chose to interpret those words as "right" and those who opposed were "wrong". Essentially the Vietnam adoption community crumbled in a matter of days. It was terribly sad and many families lost a lot of faith (and sleep). People who would otherwise be very good friends with an incredible bond were now saying truly hurtful things about each other simply because their adoption was completed with a different agency. Sad.

Thankfully, over the past few days things have been simmering down a little. It is my hope that we, as adoptive/adopting parents can move on to fight for the right things and in an appropriate fashion.

So again, thank you and let's continue to fight for a truly important cause...BRINGING OUR BABIES HOME!!!

hope...

In light of the recent situations in the adoption world, I feel compelled to bring hope, peace, and fairness to the forefront. It's not that I'm turning a blind eye, or don't care...but I think the mission we are all on is the same. I am simply taking a different approach to how I'm handling it. If you are looking for controversy with this post, you aren't going to find it. I am not going to pick an agency to talk about...not even my own. I'm not going to comb blogs just to find something to talk about. I am not going to accuse people of making irresponsible choices. There are several people who have chosen to speak out in such manner and that's fine, it was their choice.

I too feel it is my job as a perspective adoptive parent to speak out for what I believe, and I've done it. I've already contacted USCIS and a few government officials from my state with my opinions and concerns. I am not going to post those opinions or messages online, because they are mine and I wouldn't expect anyone to agree with them.

What I am going to do is post a video that struck me months ago when I saw it for the first time. It shows that we, as humans, can make a world of difference.

The chorus line of this song is:
If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
Then we'd see the day when nobody died...

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. Margaret Mead

Keep on keeping on...

I am not going to delve too much into the current war being waged online right now regarding adoptions. I have a little to say, but overall, I think enough has been said about the current issues. Opinions have been formed, sad and distasteful comments have been made, and innocent people have gotten attacked. What I would like to take a moment to say is that we need to focusing on the facts. I will not buy in to rumors. I will not be persuaded to feel or think differently. I will not be scared by what others write.

What I will do is stand my ground to say this...the rumors regarding people, babies, agencies, blogs, fast referrals, NOIDs, the Embassy...and the list goes on...must STOP. Just when you feel you have a cohesive community all fighting for the same thing, ethical-legal-successful adoptions, you get slammed by someone (or recently, many people) who feel their adoption is far more superior because they chose the "right" agency, they "did" their homework, they "got the facts". Yet the people using other agencies didn't think to do that??? Seriously people. There are also those who feel their adoptions are far more legitimate because the adoption was cleared by the US Embassy. For those who feel this way, fine. I'm not going to try to change your mind. I won't call you stupid or uninformed...but I wish you wouldn't do it others either. There is so much more to "the story" than what we are able to glean from a blog, website, or a yahoo group.

I'm sorry folks, but we were with one of those agencies that flew under the radar. It took a long time to find out what was actually going on. Nothing was publicly posted, people weren't attacking me for choosing that agency, some people hadn't even heard of the agency (and yes, they were licensed)...yet they were still unethical. So just because an agency hasn't been under the microscope or publicly dragged through the mud, does that mean it's all kosher? I'll let you be the judge. For what it's worth, I would also like to say is that when I became concerned about the ethics regarding that agency, I DID email USCIS to bring it to their attention...their response. Nothing. I didn't even get a reply. Yet they found the time to send an official news release to a personal blog before posting it on their own gov't website. Needless to say,I've been left with a fairly tainted image of what is really going on behind the closed gates of our government.

One other thing. While reading a few blogs lately, I've become really sad about the future of adoptions and the future of our children (home and abroad). What are we teaching our children? That it's alright to perpetuate a rumor. That it's okay to criticize and attack perfect strangers. That it's okay to not have the facts and yet pretend you do. That it's okay to tell other people they are immoral, unethical, or uneducated because they made a decision different than yours. I'm sorry...I don't think that's okay.

There has been massive uprising of personal warnings out to people that they shouldn't even think of going with an agency that works in the two named "problem" provinces. Let the people make their own decisions. They have done their homework...they aren't looking to you for their answers. Just think...if all agencies pull out of the "problem" provinces...what happens to those babies? The ones that are legitimate orphans. They are left behind to become part of a statistic. They will be one of the 2 million children growing up in an orphanage someplace in Vietnam. They will be left behind because they have the misfortune of living at the wrong place at the wrong time.

So what is the "right" choice?

National Adoption Month - Day 2

Here is today's suggested event for celebrating adoptions.

Friday, November 2 - Light a candle as a family for children in foster care who are still waiting for permanent families. Set the candle outside in a safe place. Ask your neighbors to join you by lighting a candle as well.

Adoption update...not much-we are DTV-3 weeks today. The agency's site visit is over, let's hope we get an update next week.

November is National Adoption Month!

So I've decided that since I don't have any exciting adoption news to share, I'll do my part to teach others about adoption by posting thoughts, ideas, statistics, etc.

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Our Adoption History...

For those of you who may not know our adoption story...here is the "abridged" version. Ed and I decided to start our family in May 2005. When July 2006 rolled around and there was no positive pregnancy test, we opted to adopt. It was one of the easiest decisions we made...we didn't feel fertility treatment was the right path for us and we knew that we could provide a loving home to any baby. So we attempted to work with our state to adopt through our foster care system. However, our foster care system has very few children under the age of 3. Being very young ourselves, we didn't feel comfortable adopting a child older than 2 years of age and they said they had no children available (crazy, I know). So our path to international adoption began. We researched international agencies and countries from July to October 2006, finally choosing our path on October 18th 2006. The rest...well, it's documented on this blog ;-) It's been a long journey, but we KNOW in our hearts that there is a baby out there just for us.

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Now...the history of National Adoption Month...
In 1976, the governor of Massachusetts, Michael Dukakis, announced an Adoption Week for his state. Later that same year President Gerald Ford proclaimed that Adoption Week would be celebrated nationally. As more and more states started to participate in Adoption Week it became clear that more time was needed for holding events and in 1990 National Adoption Week became National Adoption Month.

Today National Adoption Month is celebrated during the month of November. The celebration usually includes National Adoption Day with courthouses throughout the nation participating and hundreds of adoptions being finalized simultaneously.
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For a list of events to help celebrate adoption...Check out this site.

Here is today's event:

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Thursday, November 1-Begin National Adoption Month by celebrating your family's story! Write it down and add it to your lifebook/scrapbook.

I also came across this poem today, well, I think it sums it all up.

Daydreaming
I stepped into her room today
Knowing she’s not there
This waiting for referral
Is more than one can bear

But taking in the moment
I sit down on the floor
And dream of her here with me
When waiting is no more.

A little giggle fills the air
As I rub her feet
I place my hand upon her heart
To feel its every beat.

A song is sung so very soft
Her eyes begin to close
She’s meeting me in dream land
A place where love still grows.

My vision now is very blurred
The tears stream down my cheeks
I’ve dreamed of her quite often
Throughout these past few weeks.

Suddenly a sound is heard
The phone rings in the hall
Waking up I quickly pray
Please let it be “The Call”.

(by Tom Fisher)